“Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change.” –– Brene Brown
A few weeks ago, my minister, the Rev. Bill Lyon, shared from the pulpit a bit of the history of my congregation. My church was founded in 1827 as the First Universalist Society of Cincinnati. Our founding mothers and fathers were rooted in the belief of radical love, that no one was beyond the reach of God’s love. In other words, they professed universalist salvation –– that all are worthy of love was core to their faith.
In 1961, when the Unitarians and Universalists merged, my congregation voted against the merger. Then –– and I love this –– rather than walking away from any national association they went along with the merger. That is, they chose to become a Unitarian Universalist church rather than remaining an isolated Universalist church.
“That tells me something about who we are,” said Bill. “We are a people who wrestle and adapt. We are a people who stay in relationship.”1
Yes. That is the person I strive to be. A person who is not only willing to be in relationship, but who stays in relationship.
WHERE BRAINSTORMING LED
I think of a woman from my church, whom I never thought I could befriend. During a brainstorming session, as we congregants worked to more clearly define our mission, she had written a belief on one of the large sheets of paper taped to the wall of our sanctuary with which I disagreed. I remember reading her words and thinking, oh God, she is certainly not someone I care to know.
Then one Sunday after our morning service, as I stood drinking tea, chatting with those around me, another friend said I needed to get to know that woman. What? You both like to kayak, he said. Then he went over to the woman and told her the same. Soon she was standing beside me, inviting me to kayak with her. I am glad I said yes.
As we sat eating our packed lunches, part way through our first day on the river, I discovered that she and I had far more in common than I thought possible. In fact, our beliefs were very similar. She was just using different words to describe the same things I embraced.
She has become a friend. And that was only possible because I was willing to engage with someone that I thought believed so differently from me.
MORE SAME THAN NOT
This has happened more than once in my life –– meeting someone, thinking at first glance, we have nothing in common and could never be friends, only to discover the contrary because I allowed myself the opportunity to get to know that person, opened myself up so they could know me.
I suspect deep down most of us are more alike than we think. We all care for our loved ones, want to live in security, have our needs met, do work we find meaningful, enjoy life and celebrate all the good it has to offer.
I don’t want to be naïve here. People have real differences with each other –– differences so great that at first glance it appears there is no way the two sides can be bridged. And I can see how that divide can never be bridged if that is where my focus remains, so I now look for what unites me with others, what I can share with another.
I also try to keep in mind that my perspective is only that, that different life experiences of others may lead them to focus elsewhere, that perhaps it is my own thinking that may need to be adjusted.
THE GIFT OF MY FAMILY
I have noted in the past how blessed I am to be part of a family that is a microcosm of our nation. Among my family members you can find those who stand at the different edges of every political, religious and social construct in this great national experiment we call our country. Red or Blue? Yes. Vaccines or no vaccines? Yes. Jesus or aliens? Yes.
Despite this messiness of conflicting beliefs, different approaches at odds as to how to be in the world, we hang together. That has always been a valuable lesson for me.
In this age, where so many relationships are broken over some slight, some misunderstanding, some lack of willingness to engage or do the hard work of relationships, I want to say no. It does not have to be this way. As my church forebearers believed and taught, if no one less than God does not reject anyone, how can I?
FIGURING IT OUT
The other night, I asked a friend, when am I to stand in my truth and when am I to say I may be wrong. Laughing, she said, “Let me know when you figure that one out.”
Likely I never will figure that one out, but I am growing more comfortable with knowing that whenever I am so damn sure I am right, I could be mistaken. That my job is to keep moving toward building relationships, speaking my truth, while seeking to understand another’s that may be different from mine.
That is my teaching of my church. That is the lesson of my family. To stay at the table, to not walk away –– or if I do walk away, I do so only for a short time to re-center myself until I can return grounded but open, seeking not so much to be understood, but to understand.
FOR REFLECTION: Are there relationships in your life that could be built anew with a change in perspective? How are you able to distinguish between “standing in your truth” and being mistaken? What are the ways you can build better relations with those you see as so different from you?
1 Bill Lyon, Heritage Universalist Unitarian Church, February 22, 2026.
Top image: Image from Heritage Universalist Unitarian Church, Cincinnati, Ohio
Midtext image: Pixabay/Vlad Vasnetsov
Side image: Pixabay/Avelino Calvar Martinez
